There we go, same old story: he said, she said, you said, they said… blah, blah, blah.
Do we feel powerful when we badmouth someone? Talk behind their back? Do we feel stronger or even superior when we decide it’s a good idea to start talking vicious things of one another?
I say «we» because I include myself in that group. I try not to, but sometimes I find myself saying a couple of ironical stuff about others. Stuff that if the person was right there in front of me, would be definitely hurt.
I don’t like it and I will change it. At least I will try.
We are not born this way. I refuse to believe we come to this world already prepared to criticize and turn down people and say mean things. We learn to do so. We don’t only become mean to others but eventually we become out greatest bully.
We poke and insult ourselves. You don’t have to verbally say «I am an idiot» to yourself, but it is the same thing when you don’t respect yourself enough to walk away of a situation or person.
I try to avoid people who bring conflict into my life. I live and let others live too. I do not intentionally hurt someone or bring someone down. I just have more important things to do. You see, when you have a life, other people who don’t, will want to disturb that and interrupt that. They will obsess and they will try to take that happiness away from you. You go ahead and continue whatever you are doing that makes you happy (and awesome).
You go ahead…they will try to shoot you down but you won’t fall.
When I was a little girl I tried to look like my mom. I looked up to her and I thought she was the most beautiful woman alive. She was a model back in her days and when I saw her pictures I was proud showing it to all my friends telling them how beautiful my mom was. I wanted to be just like her.
After I grew up, circa 11 years, I wanted to be like my dad; funny and witty. I loved that about him. So I mimicked all his jokes.
In school I tried to fit in the «popular» group and after some failures, I tried to fit in the «rebel» kids group. No success at all.
Once I reached high school, my goal was to be a dancer, so I followed my inspirations (Polina Semionova and Alessandra Ferri) and tried to be like them. I wanted to dance just like them (just to find out that I had my own way of dancing and it was pretty cool too.)
I tried to be a normal girl: I tried to fit in so many groups that it made me the most unhappy person in the whole world. I spent time with people I didn’t like just to «fit in», I partied, I drank and I even started smoking. Deep inside I hated all those things.
So I have come to the conclusion that I really don’t have to «fit» anywhere. I fit me. I am me. I have my good and my bad traits. I am stubborn, nervous and sometimes grumpy. But I am also kind, organized and funny (well I think I am). I love to dance and sing. I would never picture myself having a girly night out or clubbing until I drop. I don’t like crowds so I don’t like concerts (except Britney’s).
There is nothing that makes me feel more alive than singing. It is my way of coping with all kind of emotions.
Every time I find the melody of what I am feeling I write it down and turn it into a song. Sometimes it gets so personal that I record it just for myself. You see, when I sing I have no armor, only raw emotions from deep inside. Depending on my mood I could write a happy song, a dance song, a mellow song or just let it go and write something that helps me get through things that hurt.
All of us have a way to process emotions, all of us feel overwhelmed sometimes and it is ok so crumble a little. Letting go is what makes us stronger. How we react to a given situation makes us so unique. There is always something that makes us feel more alive than ever.
I want to dedicate today’s post to letting go of unhealthy emotions, unhealthy relationships, self-pity, grudges, bad memories and anything that makes you unhappy. Give thanks for everything you have instead of complaining for everything you are missing. «Thank you» is as powerful as «I love you», because behind those two there is always kindness…